I’m not sure where I am at this evening. It’s Friday, rainy here in banana town Alberta where it’s a lake day one day and winter wonderland the next. I think the lack of Vitamin D has finally sunk into my skin and my well being. A lover of the sunshine, waves and everything outdoors, seeing humans scared of humans as we walk around the pond like we are our last days weighs heavily on me. I love human interaction; I love smiles; I love conversations. I am hurting today for those elders who are terrified and lonely watching everyone their age in homes around the world dropping like flies…alone. I have reached out to a seniors home because I yearn to provide some human connection to someone; I will be sent their way for a reason, and new friend, just know you have a met a new friend for life. I will be your pen pal until we can meet in person. I am excited about this. Maybe if you are reading this you can reach out to a seniors home in your town… trust me when I say, there are people on the inside that need us more than ever right now.
It was a frustrating day for what seems like a billion reasons. I have learned I am a sensitive soul and the world can really be cold no matter who you are, but it’s how you show up in that world that matters. BUT little miss toddled behind me during every moment of my day and she would look at me and like the “koala baby” she is and would come over and lock her arms around me as tight as she can and hug me like no other and for a brief moment all of my day would melt away as her body is against mine.
I learned today she feels my feels. I learned today that my phone and news have to go away from 8 am-12 pm and I need to just be. I learned I don’t want her to cry herself to bed at night and I learned that when I am not surrounded by all of my children those are the days I feel lost. I pray for human connection on deep levels. I want to talk about life, goals, dig deep into conversations about the earth, serendipity. I used to be a mama of boys and it was different and our lives were different. Now raising my youngest girl, my most vulnerable I have to be a different woman because I want her to be a different woman. EVERY SINGLE STEP I TAKE SHE IS WATCHING and as in the animal kingdom it is my job to guide, model, and be everything I want her to be and more.
Tonight I want to wake up tomorrow and focus on moments. Shutting out the outside world seems relatively easy lately so tomorrow I will continue to shut it out and engage in the life of my minions. I will read a section of the bible out loud, pray on my hands and knees to show her the way and take some deep breaths to get through Saturday. Until then, good night moon and good night future friend I can’t wait to meet, I hope everyone is safe and healthy in the world and your loved ones know you love them.
…Things will get better.