* St. Silas was a leading member of early Christian Community
* Silas: “Of the Forest”
* “The Youngest”
You may wonder why I chose Silas as she is only one of my children. I chose to title my work with this incredible name because we, as a nation, as parents, as children, as grandparents, as sisters, friends and daughters are faced with so much uncertainty as to what the future holds and the power in this name evokes a power within me to write, to create a space where faith is stronger than fear, where God prevails, where the Earth regenerates itself and where we are reborn into a new world. One of innocence, bravery, kindness, strength, faith and resilience; all words that describe “SILAS/SILAS III.XIV.XX”.
A Christian Woman; a reborn Christian woman, I bare Children of God. This is not a blog dedicated to God but it is a platform where I will share my faith and relationship with God combined with my daily life of motherhood during a time we never expected, a time that has shocked the globe (or most of it I think), and a time that is unknown from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.
Our lives changed March 14th, 2020. This was the day I personally had decided to keep my children home from school the proceeding Monday because I “felt” they were safer at home. I didn’t know much about “Coronavirus” or “Covid-19” as I am not really one to watch the news and all of the negativity that comes with it, but I did feel a shift in the universe that day and followed my heart. The next day, the government of Alberta announced all schools and daycares would be closed. I still wasn’t sure what was happening but had to have trust in the journey.
Being a Mom to four children (three of my own biological children and my step-daughter who I include in my own because..well she’s a child in my family and I am a mom) I entered a not so new world of teacher, chef, playmate, fitness instructor, mom, painter, play dough making fun that I was previously only doing “part time”..now I was doing it 24/7…literally. My coffee dates and gym sessions were stripped away from me as quick as my hair extensions and fake nails. My children lost their school days, my boring attempts at good lunches, their sports games, Sunday School, playdates and …everything else we did outside the home. Literally, our lives changed in the blink of an eye.
Day one and two, I thought I was good. The kids were excited they had no school, I was still sticking to a routine and we were making it through the days. But then day three, four, five..and well you get the point because it’s now day 22, hit and here we are still trying to navigate through this new system. Am I still good? Of course. I have to be. Being brave, strong, light hearted and calm is something I can’t afford to lose right now. But do I have moments where I fearlessly cry in the bathtub? Bury my head in the pillow and sob? Absolutely I do. It’s those times that I am reaching out to God more than I used to. Talking to him. Walking beside him in this journey and breathing and reading his word. It’s those times that get me through the tears and bring me back to my faith. The thing is, if you have faith, your faith can’t waiver. And don’t get me wrong, mine does not. But I am somewhat of a “control freak” and it’s the undefined fear of the unknown that rattles me to my core. It’s the “when can I see Mom and Dad again?” moments. It’s the, “my son’s birthday is in three weeks, what can I do to make up for all of the things he think’s he is missing out on?”. It’s the, “is anyone I know going to die from this?”. But when I listen to God and read his word, the peace of his presence melts over me and my fear of the unknown subsides because God isn’t here to evoke pain in my life or my families life. This is a season and a season where we will learn and grow to be better people, kinder people, gentler yet braver people. And like all seasons, this too shall pass.
I have created this invisible thread to share our experiences through this. To share that I have to feel blessed in this time; blessed to have food on the table, blessed to be able to share wealth with others, blessed to be in a warm home with the love and laughter of my family and blessed I can reach out to friends virtually and laugh and drink our coffee and share our moments together. I pray for those who do not have these things; that must be tough, and I am sorry you are going through this. I pray for those who have lost loved ones, I am sorry. And I pray for anyone who needs to hear a kind word; please be gentle with yourself and reach out if you need to talk. But can I share that what I pray for the most and what I have found I have the most of…is time.
I have time to reach out to you. Time to meditate in faith. Time to get to know myself more, my family more. Time to know God more so I can share this with you. Time to share some funny moments, some scary moments and I guarantee you some “hot mess Mom” moments because Lord knows (and he really does) that some days I am lucky to get through three meals that have different food groups (no really though, I think we had Chocolate Pizza for dinner two days ago). This is giving me time to grow and time to write. Something I have been praying to do for ..years. And the ironic this is…I never had time. Through my world of “SILAS” I am grateful and I know we are all warriors and we will evolve through this together. Be brave tonight. Read or listen to something comforting for your soul. Call a loved one. Write something of comfort.
If you made it this far thank you. If not…that’s okay too. Writing is going to be my outlet through this monster knowns as “Covid-19” and remember, “wherever you go, there you are” so go kindly tonight.