It dawned on me today after watching Brene Brown’s TED talk on #vulnerability today in a class I am doing that she nailed it (as usual). Growth happens in moments of pure discomfort, that’s an absolute.. but vulnerability is the key to real internal growth. It‘a when you are most vulnerable to your own moments of extreme discomfort that there is an internal transformation.. a shift in spirit.. a shift in mind.. a shift in frequencies.
It took me a lot of years, ok, understatement, my entire life, to learn to become vulnerable. As I write, I allow my vulnerabilities to be exposed to an entire universe of readers, of judgement. Growing up, I always wore my heart of my sleeve, yet I always needed to be in control. Part and parcel because when you are a child and there is a disconnect of emotional nurturing to that child (Nature VS Nurture) then that child doesn’t have any control. As that child grows the need for control is due to a fear of loss of something..you dig?
So now, I find myself in vulnerable positions all the time. I was married and had a beautiful son and experiences in life during that time, but that time and that life wasn’t for me for a variety of reasons. I learned a lot in that time of my life and was left vulnerable after the separation and feeling alone. Everyone was. In those times of loneliness I found a lot of discomfort being vulnerable and this is when my spiritual awakening happened. Although I have had psychic awareness and healing abilities my entire life, they really surfaced in about 2012 then again more so in 2016 to present. I always love and love hard. I give myself to relationships to experience a journey even when things get messy; I love hard. I love very hard….but that’s something that has left me vulnerable my entire life. Becoming vulnerable is a messy process. It’s allowing yourself to be exposed and trust me when you expose yourself there are people out there who will CONSTANTLY JUDGE YOU.
I have had recent experiences again where someone continues to identify me as a forty year old woman with three kids with three different last names. In fact I have four children (3 Biological but what does that even mean anymore like… aren’t we all one anyways?) that I have parented since infancy and two of which do share a last name; These judgements could place me in a place of extreme vulnerability if I had not done all of the shadow work that I have done in the last decade and could leave me in a place of shame, discomfort, embarrassment or whatever else said person was hoping to evoke from me, but instead it left me in a place of peace. I was able to sit back and reflect on the beautiful life I have built, a life with many different cultures, with a blended family where everyone in our home gets a long. For some people, that place of diversity may seem hard to understand, but hey, the world just shut down for some weird virus they call the coco and people are jogging outside in masks..can life get any weirder? My family choices and how it evolved are really not out there for anyone to judge, so maybe those people that are…maybe THEY are feeling vulnerable.
I see my old self in some of these people. Maybe I used to be the judgemental one. Maybe I used to deflect. I think before you wake up spiritually and experience internal growth and trust in christ consciousness then everyone can hold attributes as such, but when the transformation happens it’s beautiful. Okay yes it looked like a break down but my amazing therapist (because every therapist needs a great therapist) identified it as a breakTHROUGH.
Vulnerability again.. I have an amazing therapist. And I bet she has a therapist. The cool thing about being vulnerable is you experience this shift in how you view the world. I once would have been SO EMBARRASSED to tell my friends I had a therapist, now not only do I talk about it like it’s a piece of chocolate (and I love chocolate) but I recommend her to all my friends, co-workers and to anyone who feels like they need an unbiased professional to work through some sh*t with! But again, some people..will simply attack for this disclosure. What is it about peoples lives that some people can’t understand? Our lives aren’t for others to understand, their there to show you what you need to change for yourself. Everyone you meet is an avatar of yourself. Everyone you are judging is showing you something you need to work upon in yourself.
I have noticed some things trigger me and only today did I realize that my drama came from my trauma; I expect people to be courteous and kind because that is how I treat people, with respect and when I don’t receive that back, I feel like I am not being seen as an equal human. That’s my stuff, and I should have recognized that two days ago… but again, it’s a period of growth. And now, when I see someone or something that triggers me, instead of worrying about why they are acting a certain way (because their actions really don’t matter) then I can identify why it bothers me and go inwards.
Vulnerability. It’s an opportunity for growth, not an opportunity for attack. Not of yourself, not of others. Being vulnerable takes courage. Courage is a beautiful thing and with each breath that you take inwards you can find the courage to love yourself a little more and let go of the things about other people that bother you.
Be vulnerable to go on that date with that person that you think it might not work out.
Be vulnerable to try that new hobby.
Be vulnerable to explore your internal wisdom from a place of observation.
Be vulnerable to ask for help.
Be vulnerable to forgive. This is something I am guilty of but something that I know makes me soft.. I love to forgive and sometimes I learn from hard lessons because some people..will never understand true forgiveness and I will keep sending them light regardless…even from a distance.. but I forgive and that leaves me vulnerable for their constant hurt.
Be vulnerable. It will change your life. 2020 is crazy enough lets find it within us to be forgiving to ourselves, to others and to be vulnerable to change.