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Silas Rises

Being an Empath in a Narcissistic World

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I knew I was an empath when I was a young girl. When I would cry when I saw homeless people, homeless dogs, homeless cats, movies with homeless people in them. For some reason (and I am sure it has to do with a past life occurrence) I have felt a special energy for elder men who are in need of support. Maybe it’s because my biological Grandfather which whom I only knew as “Uncle Leo” lived in a run down trailer, had few but important visitors, no “family” and a smile that always lit up my heart. There was something about this gentleman that made me wonder and I didn’t know why.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks before he passed. He called me and said “you know you’re my granddaughter” and I cried and said “I know, I love you”. Although I wouldn’t trade my “Pop” for all of my lifetimes I wish I had a lifetime to get to know Leo…This is one of the very many empathic parts of my being.
 
Now let’s forget that scenario for a moment and throw in someone who simply hides and manipulates things from you, lies to you, tells you things like “you are crazy” or “grow up” because you believe in something they may not. Narcissistic tendencies? One could or would think so but I do NOT believe that makes someone a “Narcissist” I don’t even know how comfortable I feel with labeling someone a thing because I believe every human being has the tendency to take on “Narcissistic Qualities” such as lying, manipulation, lack of empathy, egoistical etc. I truly believe the people that have these qualities that lead us to calling them narcissistic are just lost beings stuck in their own traumas from childhood. They surely aren’t born “narcissist” so who are we to label them?
 
Now bring us back to the empath in a 3D world. Or an empath in a world surrounded by people with unresolved traumas. That may lead us to believe that we are surrounded by narcissist when in reality we are taking on the energy of those said people inside of us and we feel it ten-fold because we are such empaths. We generate, they project. Our light can alchemize their traumas, their dense dark energies, their feelings and emotions..but at a huge cost to us as humans in today’s “world”. It can be truly tiring to always be the ear to listen, the body to alchemize, the space to process but it’s a job we chose in this lifetime and a job we will continue to do until we can share our light willingly with those “narcissists’ in such a manner that their energetic make up is reprogrammed into that of light as well.
 
Did I lose you yet?
 
I just feel the “narcissist” jargon is thrown around so loosely and anyone can make up the archetype of a narcissist if they want to; that’d 3D living- duality. Yes and No. Right and Wrong. Black and White. When in fact we can live in a realm where we can just be in the present and not worry (but that is the teachings of the Buddha which we could contemplate all day) and not peg people for their traumas, in what we believe to be there manipulations, their inconsistencies and their lies. It is all truly perspective. I could tell you all of my partners were narcissistic, heck I have even been called that at times by people, and truth be told, I was working through some of my own shadows and traumas and yes I exhibited some of those qualities that people identified as such, but am I to be labeled as a “narcissist” because of those moments in time where there was a lapse of healing in my spirit? Absolutely not.
 
I think the same for the label “Empath”. I believe we are just light beings with open energy centres and intuition that are able to take on the feelings of other beings around us so strongly that we are labelled “empathic”. I think we are just evolved spirits from other times that have that invisible connection through our history and internal energy centres that allow that connection; it is an exchange of energy. So maybe when we identify others as having a quality with a negative innovation that is just an energy exchange from us to them and then we identify that mirror?
 
These are all contemplations that have arose through my last couple of months of healing, awakening and doing my own shadow work. I have been quick to identify such qualities in others, but hey, maybe those were qualities I was feeling inside from some space in time or maybe even during that moment and it was something I needed to work through. Instead of arguing when I feel this way, I have made it a goal to find stillness in that moment, quiet…and to listen to what I feel inside and dissect that through mediation, art, journaling, writing or just playing like a child with my children at times. I play with crystals, holding them, warming them up, I sleep with them next to my bed, around my neck; they adore multiple places in my house and that I feel is to alchemize the energies that come up even within our own living space. They all have different attributes to them; different… powers? Our children love them, they give us a sense of calm….a sense of magic.
 
The world Is such a diverse place right now. People are truly living in different timelines. I know this may seem confusing to some and that’s okay, you will get there when it’s time. If you have questions or want to connect, I will have a private studio opening up to have these open discussions, maybe some round table talks with women who are interested or by all means through a 1:1 mentoring conversation. I am not a magical being that can change your world but I have evolved over decades of work, through education, learning, and furthering my practises in this world and with that came the magical power of connection and that is what I can offer you…
 
This was a post to make you think. Maybe it will evoke you to write, or contemplate. It is here to help you ask questions about your own conversations and thought processes; nothing more, nothing less. But either way it is here for you to alchemize this energy you are feeling either way….this was also a post for Leo… because I know.. and you know and that’s all that needs to be said. I say that with a smile….and I feel your energy all around me at times so thank you I wish I had gotten to know more of you on the physical plain but now we have all of the time in the universe…literally.
 
 
I love you and goodnight.

Alchemy Day 3

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As I sat through the sound healing portion of my Day 3 meditation on Day 2 that has been offered to me from my beautiful and blessed Spiritual Teacher & Guide Krista from Chalice Grove I felt my past. My throat closed over and one point and my spirit tried to disengage when we were talking about loving ourselves for not fearing persecution.
 
My past life of being persecuted for “being a witch” was oh so present. Also following that was the vision of hanging myself as I did not want to be persecuted in public in front of all of the people that were followers of my healing. I wasn’t a “bad witch”, I don’t even like the term “witch” at all, I was a healer. I was a healer then, I am a healer now, but in the 1600’s (as that is what has come to me) if you had magical powers you were a witch, or governed by Satan.
 
OR WERE THEY SATAN AND THEY WERE AFRAID WE WERE GOVERNED BY GOD?
 
They persecuted all of the shamans, the healers, the mothers of the earth. They were hung or burnt on a stake.
 
I … I chose to do my own hanging. I chose to persecute myself…. To keep reading about my channeling sessions please join my members only section where you will have access to offerings from my meditations, channeling, yoga, a library of books I read and my reflections and how they help…as not all things are accessible to the world there are parts of me that are only meant for a select few…
 
Stay blessed and full of gratitude today…
I love you.

My Concussion Changed My Personality.

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Sit back and take a breath.
This is a wild ride, and one some may not ever understand but sometimes listening is enough to plant the seed that not all things are what you see.
You see me? With my blond rooted hair, my glossed lips and big sunglasses? I look the same as I did last year…and the year before that. That’s the “same girl” they say. People think.. people assume…but most importantly…people forget. They forget that September of 2019 my entire being changed. The #concussion I received changed me on a cellular level, quite literally. For decades I have lived in a “flight or fight” state of being. Always ready for one or the other, my nervous system on fleek. I could manage trauma, I could undergo a mundane amount of “stress” and yet I survived. Not only did I survive I was successful in that survival mode. I completed not one but two university degrees. I raised one child single handedly, endured a failed marriage that ended in a sacred friendship, worked in child welfare dealing with trauma after trauma..EVERY.SINGLE.DAY, dealt with a very personal and messy life season that I simply didn’t ask to be part of (but one that sort of found itself in my lap because on some universal karmic lesson I was meant to be privy to for growth I am certain of) and am now married in a beautiful space I call home, with four children, a little dog and a career that’s been jilted by the hit on my head.
 
You see I used to love my career. I used to love working with peoples traumas, healings, making decisions, sitting in on big meetings, attending training after training, seminar after seminar. I loved learning about attachment and the effects of abuse. I loved litigation. I was actually in the middle of my LSAT preps and had applied to UofC into the Faculty of Law for this September when this accident happened. I worked out four times a week, I went to dinner with friends, dancing some nights..then it all melted away. It’s felt like I woke up 10 days after my accident and everything I knew about myself had disappeared.
 
I couldn’t remember anything. I couldn’t remember the families I was working with, their names, the reason I was working with them. I couldn’t remember what I was doing from one moment to the next. I couldn’t close my eyes and visualize my children; that was the scariest part for me. I was always a very visual person, one that could look at something once or hear something once and remember it and now I couldn’t close my eyes and see the faces of the humans I loved more than the universe itself. When I closed my eyes and stood on one foot I would topple over to the ground. I couldn’t read anymore and reading was a passion..when I started a page by the time I got to the middle I couldn’t remember what the first half said. Sounds..oh holy mother of f*ck noise drove me crazy. I couldn’t’ listen to music I once loved, the television had to be off or be completely quiet. I couldn’t listen to one person have a conversation with something whilst thinking of something else; I felt like a newborn who had to be guided to live again. Talking? Forget about conversations, I was at loss for words over anything other than basic language and for a scholar that was unimpressive causing me more and more stress with my daily living. Smell? Gone. Taste? What did the food taste like?. I couldn’t tell. I tasted flavours at best.. coffee..one of my most favourite scents and tastes in the world tasted like a weird bitter… well bitter liquid; it was strange.
Even how I dress has changed, my body can’t wear certain textures anymore, it is literally the weirdest thing; it’s like my body cant wear jeans anymore.. and oh how I loved a good pair of jeans…
 
I couldn’t go out for dinner with friends anymore because conversations felt like a whirlwind in my head. One experience in particular at a friends birthday party left me a bit more traumatized than another and I lost friendship after friendship because I couldn’t partake in social events that involved drinking or loud music and my life always revolved around social skills when outside the home. The gym was out, my passions for literacy..gone. What was left?
 
I think I am still learning to find that out. I didn’t know who to seek out for medical help because my ability to make decisions became innate. I didn’t know who to turn to for what. I was diagnosed with a Concussion and whiplash but otherwise was kind of left on my own which didn’t help at all. My mother had to come from across the country to help me with the children…any trigger to stress caused me to shut down in a cloud of overwhelming turbulence and that in itself caused me more stress.
 
After living a certain way, doing certain things and just ..being “you” falls apart, I can’t express how that feels except full of complete loneliness. Your partner never fell In love with the person you turned into, they fell in love with the old you. Your boss, children and friends loved the old you..so how could you be rebirth into a new you and still find your way? Throw in the COCO and well holy smokes…it has been quite a 12 months.
 
By the grace of God (and I say that with passion because after my accident I had no choice but to find myself and by reconnecting with God) I was able to begin a new season of my life. New friends have entered my life and became like sisters. They didn’t really know the old me that well and they fell in love with the new me which was awesome. My ability to take my life inward has catapulted into this new spiritual awakening, one that I knew was coming but I didn’t know when. I think the accident was my dark night of the soul (chapter four mind you..but still).
 
I have had to try a cocktail of medications which in essence did help for a while, firing the neurons in my frontal lobe again so I could start to sort laundry, create lists, buy groceries and structure the routines and days for the children. I was able to wean myself off of those and now am taking a more practical and natural method of healing (CBD oil) plus having bi monthly botox injections and nerve blocks which release the intense pressure I carry around in my head usually 23 hours of the day. I can’t spend a lot of time on Computers because the lights cause migraines, I have developed ADHD which has been a very big struggle for me because I don’t know what do to from one moment to the next ..yet that has Brought me into the practise of daily meditation and yoga..again another plus. I was finally prescribed concerta after hanging onto a string for 6 months; my therapist suggested this to start firing up brain activity- this.. this was a game changer. It was like a big moment of clarity, I could finally focus long enough to sort laundry, make dinner, not panic. The side effects weren’t for me but after my brain started firing again it continued forming network after network, connection after connection- new pathways.
 
Dinners are no longer full of friends, wine and shots. They are more inclusive of one friend, water that I bless before I drink it or my husband and a glass of red wine. I pray more than I talk. I meditate more than I lift weights. I have lost weight at my lowest was 110 due to the side effects of the Concerta, then gained weight .. now I’m at 129 lbs. Oh yes.. back to Dinners … .they are no longer at the spots where “everyone goes” rather high end restaurants we find a corner to sit in where it’s quiet and I can “just be”. Conversation is a lot quieter….I no longer have a lot to say unless it’s on a deeper level, a level of growth and some people, they aren’t ready for those conversations so we sit in silence or we don’s sit at all. I’m more of a listener now instead of a talker… I love that change to be honest.
 
My books have evolved into spiritual development and mediation literature rather than true crime and fiction by James Patterson. Movies? I don’t turn the tv on. I think my children are happier as I am more present with them but my cooking skills have dissipated.. but I am certainly trying to relearn those skills as well.
Driving? I find it difficult to get the kids in the car and to take long drives. I forget where I am going which leads to a lot of frustration that turns into stress. Also I really don’t trust Calgary drivers anymore because… well look what this last accident did to me. I wish I could go on a vacation to a beach where the water is salty and the sun is shining bright but yet the COCO appeared and well here we are.. in the mountains..maybe Vancouver is calling for the Spring.
 
I am not sure where I am going or what I am ready for as it pertains to my career because my skill set is … different.But, I can tell you I am happiest in the quiet, in the peace that I find inside my head and that is somewhere I was afraid to be for…well forever. I am dealing with the traumas of child hood, of my twenties..heck of the last 5 years but from a really different space. This concussion changed my life. It changed my being and I can only hope for the best for those who loved the old me because a lot of her is gone..but my heart still remains the same and that is a heart that is wide open.

How Many Times?

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How many times did I say no as a child and was completely disregarded for my boundaries?
 
How many times do I say ”No” and feel it to my core but I do it anyways?
How many more times will it take?
I remember taking a short cut home from school in seventh grade. It was through the woods and by a lake in Dartmouth, a path I’d walked a million times, but with friends. I remember the old blue car and five or six teenage boys sitting around it, on it, and in it. The smoke clouds were heavy over their braided heads. The asked me if I wanted a ride. I didn’t say anything and kept walking. Then then they circled the dirt parking lot doing circles around mr asking me if I wanted a ride, whistling, hissing… I will NEVER forget that feeling inside me of sheer panic. I said “No.“ The laughed and came closer. I ran. I ran and I ran out into the busy community street looking for someone… anyone. I never looked back and they never followed.
 
How many times have you been in a situation and tried to implement your boundaries and they were ignored? How many layers of safety did that strip away from you? How did you build those layers back? I think I am still trying sometimes to be honest….
 
I have been told No by many and felt I had to listen. Where does that come from? Fear? Insecurity? I think in the last ten years I have become more comfortable with my no. I have established sanctuary in my No and I no longer feel guilty or scared; I get empowered.
I want these little girls who live in this crazy world to be so aware of their boundaries with everyone and everything that may make them feel unsafe or scared; family, friends, whoever. I never want them to feel like they can’t say no. I do know they have an AMAZING support system of women that will raise them into their vibration and into their magic, but most important a tribe of women, a family of women that will teach them endless boundaries and I am so so grateful for that. From moms, to aunties, to grandmas of all cultures it’s amazing to see the strength they have behind them.
so for tonight I am going to be kind to myself in knowing that my “no” is safe, it’s “sacred” and I will continue to use my voice…
 
 
I love you.

40 Is The New Black

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Okay, Okay, so my girlfriends would slap me upside my pretty little head because I am even referring myself to be “40” .. I am still technically midway to the bad ass age of 40 and I am proud to say, I am not even a little bit terrified. These young millennials who refer to us as “old” and “washed-out” clearly don’t see our closets adorned with Red Bottoms and Memories of Vegas. They don’t see the old Honda Civics that have tuned into Benz. They don’t see the tireless nights we stayed up studying for university exams to get to the careers we have today. They don’t see the wisdom we hold and when I say wisdom, I mean going to Vegas and walking in the front door of Omnia before the upwards of 5000 waiting paying event attendees with our vibe tribe of women arriving yet an hour late to Calvin Harris.
 
Ladies turning 30-35-40 isn’t some magic event that denotes your life or your lifestyle. Newsflash to the twenty somethings who always try to catch a vibe from us, we earned this age. We earned this life. We earned every little bit of botox or lip filler that makes everyone still question our age. We earned the amazing crew of women that surround us. We earned our badge.
 
 
 
Do you remember when you were a teenager and you looked at your mom and clad in your big hoop earrings and lock-up jeans said “but you’re old”. Our parent’s weren’t old. They lived in a generation where there was more wisdom, dedication, loyalty and love then anyone from the ages of 12-29 would every understand. Being born in the late 70’s or 80’s..us star seeds, we are here to change the world. We remember life before the internet. Heck we remember the big huge telecom like cell phones that were more like walkie talkies where we pulled the antennas up and thought it was the COOLEST thing ever. We remember hanging out on the kitchen floor on our dial-up land lines twirling the spiral cord around our fingers while we tried to whisper to our girlfriends for hours with out our parents listening..or listening to the click of a brother or sister picking up the phone to see if we were still on it.

The Fall of Fall? … a new season another chance for change…

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Have you woken up yet and looked for the sun? Have you woken up yet and realized we are surrounded in smoke? Have you woken up yet and actually… woken up?
Today was a crazy day for me. It appeared off. Is it the change in the weather? Because the kids can’t play outside all day unless bundled up (and then I actually don’t want them to go through acclimatization because Heaven forbid they get a runny nose and are deemed by the public as hosts of the coco 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄) so we spent most of today in the house.
Have you ever homeschooled a very energetic 6 year old while trying to entertain a 1 and 2 year old without drinking your coffee yet and answering all of the phone calls your husband makes to you in a day? The baby ended up with a scratch on her cheek that was dripping blood, the 2 year old was cleaning my walls trying to pretend she didn’t do the scratching and the 6 year old and I were sitting amongst them trying to understand how ”The Harvest Man” was really a “Daddy-Long Legs” and why the ”Evil boy pulled off one leg for fun” Lol. Crazy right? I have a nanny 3 out of 5 days of the week and today just happened to be her day off and holy moly is all I can say about today!!!
 
back to the topic Fall? I usually love fall with bundles of layers, big scarves, Chunky boots and reading books while sitting outside at a cafe but literally… this Fall… I need to Fall back. I don’t have the drive to get up and go to a cafe to get my work done because everyone seems so damn scared to see other humans living happily and free. The freedom and calmness I find in 5D life is something 3D lifers can’t understand; its like we are in parallel universes.
 
instead I find my vibe tribe making espressos and lattes in my kitchen in our big sweatshirts and leggings while homeschooling ALL of our children and ensuring everyone still gets to dance class and gymnastics. We await on the outcome of the Politics in the US (and half of me doesn’t even think we will have a government next year of the sorts we have seen in the decades we have had on life), we read peoples passive aggressive remarks all over Facebook (and actually today left three mom groups because I cant hack the energy and may have blocked a few more) and read excerpts of different books whilst in the house and I teach them some basic yoga I have been practicing, HA!
All in all, we are in a new season and this season too is a season of change. Every day we are waking up to the craziness of the coco and every day more and more people are seeing it for what it is. It won’t be long before society as a whole stands up for their/our freedoms and then we will watch the season Fall.
 
Tomorrow, enjoy your coffee at the cafe and please make eye contact with the people not wearing masks and SMILE at them. Maybe take yours off so we can see if you’re smiling back when we smile at you; I can guarantee us folks that aren’t wearing them are really just trying to share our light and freedoms on an energetic level with you so we can help you rise.
Enjoy your Wednesday like no other… wake up and say thank you for whatever it is.
Wear those comfy scarves and smell your pumpkin spice…
 
I love you.

6 Energies, 1 Home and The New Normal

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So not only is Mars in retrograde (google that one instead of the climbing numbers of the coco virus please), but people are walking around on the Earth plain masked up, businesses are closing, schools are being literally terrorized on an energetic level by the coco and fear, the price of groceries has tripled AND the summer is slowly fading in to Fall.
 
When life was “normal” and everyone was involved in their professional life, sports, recreational activities and hobbies life was hectic enough but NOW.. NOW we have to manage the energies of everyone in our household…all the time..IN our household..and news flash..so do you?
 
How have you been coping? What have you been doing? Other than the external environment what has changed for you?
 
At first, I admit, I went a little neurotic, bleaching my house on my hands and knees twice a day. I made the kids wash their hands every moment possible and wouldn’t let them leave the house. As I got into the swing of things last Marchish, we ventured outside, went for walks, STOPPED bleaching the house so I didn’t kill our immune systems, explored Alberta, and found our professional lives could continue from home as could our educational systems. We stopped going out for dinner ALL.THE.TIME and we started to cook more at home. We stopped going to the gym ALL.THE.TIME and started practicing meditation and yoga more inside the comfort of our own home. We traded in our money for dinners and I started a minor plant addiction (and realized I had a green thumb like my Grammie after all) and our purchases for material things like shoes and jewellery transitioned into more literature and things to provide a calming and educational space at home.
 
Our playroom has NEVER been so organized (organized in true Montessori style) with the children’s play baskets free for them to get their items and return them after play time. Their crafts easily accessible and their craft table always waiting for some more fun with them. The older children have taken more of an interest in teaching the younger children and everyone appears to pray more and pray together, in the form of mediation, prayer and yoga with Mama in the morning. Our living space was revamped and about 25 Boxes of “old stuff” was regurgitated from our house emptying our space.
 
In this time, our energies have all been noticed, appreciated and have formed this invisible thread from one another. Yes some days are absolutely bonkers with the energy of a1.5 year old transferring to a 2.5 year old then to a 6 year old who is the captain of our play ship but the energies have also found a balance within our space and there is something beautifully said about that process. We all have found our niche within the home and how we compliment each other. I have opted to homeschool after years of teaching as I am at home for the not so obvious reasons of recovery and that in itself is a blessing. Forest school couldn’t’ be any cooler!!! We have set a time in the day where we homeschool and the other littles do their crafts, have iPad time and free play. We all eat breakfast together in the morning and get to talk about our day. In the afternoon we get to go outside or visit with dear friends who live close.
 
We still wash our hands more and are a bit more conscious due to other people and we sure miss “traveling” but at the same time, our focus has become so much more on family and togetherness and connectedness that this transition in the earth can only be looked as one of a historical nature.
During this time I was able to dive into who I really am. Who are you? Ask yourself that? You’re not just a name, you are not just a role. You are not defined by your past experiences…so truly..who are you? This is a question that formed a period of growth within me I never thought possible. It recognized ego, became friends with ego and then it sat ego on a different realm and “I found “self”, I found “spirit” and that is when the magic inside me started to happen.
 
So as you sit at home with your tea, water, wine…or espresso…or espresso mixed with liquor ..whatever you may be doing lol.. ask yourself.. who am I? Journal this. Reflect on this. Step outside a place of judgement because we are all on a different journey and every journey is beautiful in itself and destined for growth and change. But please, ask yourself this very important question because during this time, going inward is going to define how you transition out of this season…
 
I love you.

Vulnerability

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It dawned on me today after watching Brene Brown’s TED talk on #vulnerability today in a class I am doing that she nailed it (as usual). Growth happens in moments of pure discomfort, that’s an absolute.. but vulnerability is the key to real internal growth. It‘a when you are most vulnerable to your own moments of extreme discomfort that there is an internal transformation.. a shift in spirit.. a shift in mind.. a shift in frequencies.
 
It took me a lot of years, ok, understatement, my entire life, to learn to become vulnerable. As I write, I allow my vulnerabilities to be exposed to an entire universe of readers, of judgement. Growing up, I always wore my heart of my sleeve, yet I always needed to be in control. Part and parcel because when you are a child and there is a disconnect of emotional nurturing to that child (Nature VS Nurture) then that child doesn’t have any control. As that child grows the need for control is due to a fear of loss of something..you dig?
 
So now, I find myself in vulnerable positions all the time. I was married and had a beautiful son and experiences in life during that time, but that time and that life wasn’t for me for a variety of reasons. I learned a lot in that time of my life and was left vulnerable after the separation and feeling alone. Everyone was. In those times of loneliness I found a lot of discomfort being vulnerable and this is when my spiritual awakening happened. Although I have had psychic awareness and healing abilities my entire life, they really surfaced in about 2012 then again more so in 2016 to present. I always love and love hard. I give myself to relationships to experience a journey even when things get messy; I love hard. I love very hard….but that’s something that has left me vulnerable my entire life. Becoming vulnerable is a messy process. It’s allowing yourself to be exposed and trust me when you expose yourself there are people out there who will CONSTANTLY JUDGE YOU.
 
I have had recent experiences again where someone continues to identify me as a forty year old woman with three kids with three different last names. In fact I have four children (3 Biological but what does that even mean anymore like… aren’t we all one anyways?) that I have parented since infancy and two of which do share a last name; These judgements could place me in a place of extreme vulnerability if I had not done all of the shadow work that I have done in the last decade and could leave me in a place of shame, discomfort, embarrassment or whatever else said person was hoping to evoke from me, but instead it left me in a place of peace. I was able to sit back and reflect on the beautiful life I have built, a life with many different cultures, with a blended family where everyone in our home gets a long. For some people, that place of diversity may seem hard to understand, but hey, the world just shut down for some weird virus they call the coco and people are jogging outside in masks..can life get any weirder? My family choices and how it evolved are really not out there for anyone to judge, so maybe those people that are…maybe THEY are feeling vulnerable.
 
I see my old self in some of these people. Maybe I used to be the judgemental one. Maybe I used to deflect. I think before you wake up spiritually and experience internal growth and trust in christ consciousness then everyone can hold attributes as such, but when the transformation happens it’s beautiful. Okay yes it looked like a break down but my amazing therapist (because every therapist needs a great therapist) identified it as a breakTHROUGH.
 
Vulnerability again.. I have an amazing therapist. And I bet she has a therapist. The cool thing about being vulnerable is you experience this shift in how you view the world. I once would have been SO EMBARRASSED to tell my friends I had a therapist, now not only do I talk about it like it’s a piece of chocolate (and I love chocolate) but I recommend her to all my friends, co-workers and to anyone who feels like they need an unbiased professional to work through some sh*t with! But again, some people..will simply attack for this disclosure. What is it about peoples lives that some people can’t understand? Our lives aren’t for others to understand, their there to show you what you need to change for yourself. Everyone you meet is an avatar of yourself. Everyone you are judging is showing you something you need to work upon in yourself.
 
I have noticed some things trigger me and only today did I realize that my drama came from my trauma; I expect people to be courteous and kind because that is how I treat people, with respect and when I don’t receive that back, I feel like I am not being seen as an equal human. That’s my stuff, and I should have recognized that two days ago… but again, it’s a period of growth. And now, when I see someone or something that triggers me, instead of worrying about why they are acting a certain way (because their actions really don’t matter) then I can identify why it bothers me and go inwards.
 
Vulnerability. It’s an opportunity for growth, not an opportunity for attack. Not of yourself, not of others. Being vulnerable takes courage. Courage is a beautiful thing and with each breath that you take inwards you can find the courage to love yourself a little more and let go of the things about other people that bother you.
 
Be vulnerable to go on that date with that person that you think it might not work out.
Be vulnerable to try that new hobby.
Be vulnerable to explore your internal wisdom from a place of observation.
Be vulnerable to ask for help.
Be vulnerable to forgive. This is something I am guilty of but something that I know makes me soft.. I love to forgive and sometimes I learn from hard lessons because some people..will never understand true forgiveness and I will keep sending them light regardless…even from a distance.. but I forgive and that leaves me vulnerable for their constant hurt.
 
Be vulnerable. It will change your life. 2020 is crazy enough lets find it within us to be forgiving to ourselves, to others and to be vulnerable to change.

Guided By The sun

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remember being a little girl and staring up at the sky in awe. I have always believed in “UFO’S”, I have also believed in the extraterrestrial, I have always known there was other life out there, other universes. I have always felt connected with the sky..all of the sky, all of space. Grade 3 I think I wrote a public speech on “Stars”. I have been obsessed with the moon and guided by the sun.
 
Solar flares, eclipses, the oh so beautifully bright sun that we have been told to shield our eyes from since we were born. I am the girl that stares at the sun and all of its glory. I take in the frequency and light codes that it delivers. I know this isn’t for everyone and I don’t encourage it to be for everyone but if it resonates, maybe that’s why you are here today.
Has this whole situation we are “living” in weirded you out? Have you had any inklings of questions you feel are just unanswered. Didn’t Canada’s number one health advisor today advise us to wear a mask while having sex? What in High Heavens is the world coming too. I truly feel the insanity of the 3D life and all I can do is pray. It seems like a different world to me when I see these things. Pregnant women getting arrested in Australia in front of her children and their phones and electronics confiscated …isn’t that illegal in itself? Who is making these “laws”.. The WHO? The DEVIL? ..
 
The more I separate myself from the old life the more I see. The world is dividing and it’s dividing quickly. What side will you be on? I pray for our leaders and society and that we will open our eyes as a collective. I pray for my family to be reunited in calm and harmony. I pray that we are in the Kindom of Heaven where there is food for all, no debt and Nesara/Gesara is finally in place. What a community we could be? Trading skills and home grown goods and services. Yes we might lose facebook and the ability to create and share our words through the internet…and if that happens..so be it. Be one with your community. Be one with your family. Unite and bring everyone close. Grow your own food…live..the way humans were supposed to live…together, evolving, helping each other, healthy, in a beautiful state of mind. Today I didn’t manage to meditate it was hectic with my first day of homeschooling; I had some overwhelming moments, had to get my braces put back on..and for what? Who sees my bottom teeth anyways? The stars in Hollywood…they have nice teeth and look where they are now lol..
 
I find myself praying to God with the children. We are embarking on a prayer walk around the local school soon- I truly feel if we can keep sharing our light and frequencies we CAN transcend the others who are really stuck in this fear paradigm, covering there faces with masks that are proven NOT TO WORK AGAINST THIS “virus” that hardly exists. Didn’t anyone read the WHO’s release about the numbers of actual deaths? THEN WHY ARE WE CONTINUING WITH THE FACADE????? I do NOT wear a mask..not in a mall, not in a grocery store.. if we ALL JUST STOPPED THEN WHAT WOULD THEY DO????????
Take a moment and reflect on where your soul should be. What brings it peace…and if it resonates look up at that beautiful sun and ask the sun those questions..and listen to her quiet words of diving feminine energy….
 
I love you.

My Best Work At Witching Hour

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Every night at 2 am I wake up; partially because of the 528 hertz music I am sleeping to, partly because of my 1.5 year old.
 
It is also the time when the spiritual veil is the thinnest. It’s when I can reflect, take deep breaths, go inward with questions with my guides. I often hear a ringing in my ears, you say ”losing yourself mind”, I say “connecting with the higher frequencies”.
 
I have found this level of consciousness where it’s the now that matters. I still have my moments of growth in the now but it’s not worry for the future or the past it’s a hiccup in the now frequency, letting it go and moving onto the next now. Today was so busy I didn’t drink enough water, I didn’t meditate I didn’t stretch and my mind feels cloudy, my patience thin. At first I thought this was me going crazy because of my concussion but now I think my spiritual awakening was just happening at the same time and it literally took the life out of me. I went through all levels of pain one earth pain body could manage; you know that intense growl from the pit Of your stomach? The uprising of every trauma you have had? it surfaced. And who did I call? My Step dad and my mom. They supported me like no other.
On the outside I looked ok but on the inside I was numb, confused; a lifeless flower thirsting for water and for care; I had spent so long waiting for other people to care for me and love me I didn’t know how to water and care for myself and it was in these moments of despair I learned. I built myself up while caring for a brand new baby, a toddler, fighting in a battle that wasn’t mine, losing my dream of becoming a lawyer, losing my memory, losing myself … and yet I rose.
I rose in riches through books; through learning to quiet my mind and breathe through the pain, through hours of crying, sea salt baths, lavendar oil and stretching. I found two sisters who cared for me and understood my struggles and they became family (thank you). I lost friends… a lot of them… I lost family… they judge where I have come in my journey and I have gained self.
 
At night I read; I have lost any connection to television. At night I pray, he has become my bed time saviour. I am lonely … it’s lonely in this state of awakening where no one understands you except ., those who understand you. I meditate to stay in my light; I read to learn (but often forget with my memory loss so I repeat) and I am forever holding a frequency of light for my children to stay as close to Christ consciousness as humanly possible.
 
If I can evolve from my shadows an demons to come out on the other side of 5G living, trust- anyone can. If you need help, don’t go through it alone. I have not taken the herbal medicines for spiritual awakening, I know I am powerful enough to do it on my own with my own internal medicines so that Is one topic I can’t help you with … but anything else.. sisters.. brothers.. I am hear for you.. I get it. I love you.